We took the girls to be baptized by our former Priest this week. It was private and lovely. They are 7 and 5 years old. We did this once before when they were babies and here we are doing it again.When I came back to Roman Catholicism I knew that I might have to have the girls baptized in the Roman Catholic Rite since they were both baptized by Protestant Pastors. Gwen will be preparing for her First Holy Communion this year. So in preparation for that I finally asked my Pastor last week about this. So even though we had them both baptized when they were infants we had to do this again on September 8th.
The words used at their Baptism's were "I baptize
you in the name of the Creator, the Redeemer, and the Sustainor. That phrasing has been examined by Pope Benedict and declared invalid. So the girls needed to be be baptized again the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Eric was angry about this. Deeply angry. Even though as an Atheist he doesn't believe in any of this, it raised his ire that the baptisms needed to be done again over a choice of words. He felt that this was a foolish arbitrary man made rule against the Spirit of the Law so loved by Jesus. He often argues that Christians have taken Jesus and not only changed him and his words but created an elaborate system of laws that Jesus would despair of. I often agree.In this case, I have been uneasy about whether their baptism's were valid for several years and
knew that I would have to address this sooner or later. I will confess to some annoyance and feelings similar to Eric's. But also to a deeper more superstitious fear that if their baptism's weren't done as the Church decrees that I was risking their souls and maybe my own. This is the part of coming back to the Faith that I regret. The fear, the anxiety, the guilt, and laws that seem man made and uninspired by the Holy Spirit.
I am determined to do right by the girls and give them a proper Roman Catholic upbringing. What they choose to do when they are older is their choice. I left the church for 28 years. They may be faithful Catholics their whole lives or they may choose another path. I cannot begrudge them their searching. The Lord knows that I did enough of my own! But, what I can do is raise them in a deeply faithful home where the richness of Catholic faith and Catholic culture is part of their daily life. The rest is up to them and God.
Eric supports this choice though it is an uneasy and difficult place for him to father from. He agrees that at this young age it would be confusing to explain Atheism. It is a complex adult perspective that takes reasoning skills and critical thinking to explore. So, difficult as it is, he will wait until they are old enough to explore the issue in conversation with him when they get older and more capable of absrtact critical thinking. I admire and deeply respect his ability to make that sacrifice. It results in him feeling alone and isolated in his own family at times. He lives in a home that is deeply Catholic. But with his usually grace and capacity to involve himself fully in our lives he participates in family religious observances with us. He accepts the Advent and Lent observances that fill our home, takes Gwen to CCD every Thursday night, and pauses respectfully when the girls recite a Hail Mary as we drive past a the cemetery where a dear friend's parents are buried. Why he even baked bread for the bread baking ministry at my former parish for Eucharist. I would deliver the bread to our priest and say , "My atheist husband said to he made this for you to use during communion. " Father John would beam and chuckle then say, "And we are very grateful that he did!" In the evening Eric joins us in saying Grace at meals--taking pains one memorable evening to go through the prayer line by line and parse out the meaning so that the girls would approach Grace with understanding, reverence, and respect. He attends church on the major Holy Days at my request and now to his credit has gone to 3 baptisms for his two daughters. What more could any wife want from a husband?
I am blessed. We are blessed--with this devoted husband and doting father who sacrifices so much of his interior self for the love of his family.
I wanted Gwen to start CCD this fall at our new parish so she can make her First Holy Communion this spring. So I finally had to address whether their Baptism's were valid. After my former pastor, Father Rock, confirmed that they needed to be Baptized in the Catholic church I asked Eric if he wanted to be there. This was really tough for him. He was so angry that it had to be done again. I offered to do it on work day so that he could be at work and have an excuse for not going or on an unexpected day off that was coming up if he wanted to be there. He railed about for a while and then with his characteristic ability to accept what he cannot change and insight into what his daughter's and his wife need, he said that he wanted to be there when we did it. He wanted the girls to feel supported and loved and cherished by their father. As if they could ever doubt that!
In spite his reservations he loved us all enough to put himself aside. What deeper demonstration of Christian love and devotion could one ask for?Without him the Baptism would have felt incomplete... broken..... unfinished. He completes us in every way. In his unbelief he challenges my belief. I struggle to maintain it and strengthen my faith faced with his doubts and my own fear that we will somehow move so far away from each other that we won't be able to reach our hands out to each other any more. Somehow reason and faith coexist in our marriage and we continue to clasp each other across the gap of our different paths. Together we have a union. The children ground us. In unity with them we are complete.
In a Baptism with Water we were bathed in the love of Father. Both Fathers. For this, I am deeply grateful.
Amen.
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